This is Gay Pride Month and I’ve never been a fan of Pride. I’ve been to a few of them and I found them to be boring. It had nothing to do with gay rights. It was all about sex and picking people up. I’m certainly not a prude and if that’s someone’s thing then great, but for Pride I expect a bit more integrity. Instead there was a lot of judgment. If that wasn’t going on then advertisers were shoving their products down your throat.
I get why Pride started in the first place, but it no longer has any meaning and hasn’t for quite some time. Don’t call it Pride. Call it what it really is. It’s a gay party. They should call it “Gay Party 2012”. You go to a Greek Festival or the Renaissance Fair and things like that and you find good food, great history about that culture or the origins of the festival, but you don’t see anything like that at Pride. Everyone is walking around in a thong. Um-ok.
I’m not saying anything that isn’t untrue. Let’s face it, when people who despise gays think of an image of someone who is gay, they’re thinking of someone dressed in leather with his ass hanging out. How about the real gays, the hard working ones who have been in long relationships and raising a family and have a career? I’ve never see that at Pride.
Another contributor eloquently wrote….
Ok, ever since I moved out here to L.A. from the midwest and have been exposed to more of the “gay”, I have been told from all sides what it is and means to be gay. Well let me tell all y’all sons of bitches what being gay is not.
Before we go into details here, let’s define a few terms.
Community – a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage.
Culture – 1. the quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits, etc. 2. the sum total of ways of living built up by a group of human beings and transmitted from one generation to another.
Personally, I do not like the terms “gay community” and “gay culture”. By definition they just don’t make any sense to me. Both terms imply that a particular group of people share distinct aspects of their lives. Whether it is a religion, the way they live, traditions passed down, its a common factor that specifically defines them and binds them as a distinct group. Now… How does being gay define us as a community or culture? Homosexuality is not a lifestyle, a religion, a language, a dance or anything else that defines a culture or community. Homosexuality is a sexuality and that is it. Its a factor that knows no bounds. There are gays of every race, religion, etc. If you go to a gay club/bar (or anywhere else that gays gather) you will see them dressing differently, speaking different languages, some act “femme”, some act “straight”, and they are of different races. Chances are, the only thing that they may have in common is that they are gay. Being gay alone by no means binds us together as a distinct group. You can’t look at a diverse group of homosexuals and just outright know and say…yup…thar be a gaggle of gays…
Like I said before, ever since I moved out here to L.A. I have been bombarded with stereotypes, harassment, and pressure as to what a gay person should do or shouldn’t do…how a gay person should act….how a gay person should dress, etc.. You see it in magazines, online, at clubs/bars and on TV. For the most part the ones who have been the most hateful and the most adamant about what a gay person is has not been the bigots…..its been other homos. From the outside in, when you look at the things displayed on TV, in magazines, online, etc…for the most part all you see are the stereotypes….the very stereotypes that the majority of us cannot stand. No one likes it when it is just assumed you’ll talk, act, dress or do anything that you do not. You don’t like it…I don’t like it….so why harp on me and bash me because I am not someone you think I should be based on your closed minded views. Now there’s some irony. I’ve been called closed minded and conservative because I don’t like or do certain things. Hey, live your life and do as you will, just don’t pressure me to do the same.
Now lets go into what gay is not…
Being gay does not mean that all you do is sleep around. Being gay does not mean that you go to clubs and listen to techno music. Being gay does not mean that when you want to go on a cruise, it is to sleep around on a floating sex party. Being gay does not mean that I should style my hair into a faux hawk. Being gay doesn’t mean that I talk with a lisp or walk like a runway model. Being gay doesn’t mean that I have “femme” attributes. Being gay doesn’t mean I spend every second of my free time working out. Being gay does not mean that I wear tight cloths. Being gay does not mean that I will only dress in expensive cloths of expensive labels. Being gay doesn’t mean that I own anything that is Gucci or Prada. Being gay doesn’t mean that I want to live in West Hollywood or San Francisco. Being gay doesn’t mean that I have a “fag hag”. Being gay does not mean anything that you may assume about me.
What does being gay mean? It fucking means that you are gay!!! It means that and only that. I may or may not have have or do any of what the above statements say being gay is not, but none of the above defines me as gay. Hell, on any bright, sunny day you can find a heterosexual having or doing one or more of the above.
No one can tell me what I should or shouldn’t do as a “good gay”. I will be gay my own way and I urge everyone else to do the same. Do not give into pressure to be someone you are not. When you look in the mirror you should be proud of that person looking back at you rather than looking at that person and wondering what you should change about that person because others think you should.
I am just an average guy. I moved away from the midwest in order to find myself and to heal a shattered heart. I have my own values and comfort factor for how I choose to live. I am gay and I will tell someone when asked and when appropriate, but I won’t and don’t wear a sign proclaiming it. I am in love with a man who has filled in that missing part of my heart. I am a hopeless romantic. Simply I am me…I’m the person I am comfortable being and no one will pressure or force me to be anyone but who I am…